HAPPY HUMP DAY! Literally? Well, it depends.

Hola babydolls, it's Wednesday and we know what that means -- HAPPY HOUR! (As if anyone needs a reason. Um, who hates being happy?)

Now that Fashion Week's over, Emmy dust has settled, and I've gorged on everything GLAM-tastic, it's back to the grind -- songwriting, singing, blinging. Fabulous as life may be, delicious libations during a hard week's work are the only thing between me and lounging poolside in a sushi bikini. Sanity (I'm told mine's in question) is a whole other story. Go figure.

Where's YOUR go-to watering hole to kick back, relax, and escape when 5 pm rolls around? I promise not to keep it a secret if you let me know in the comments section below. Aw c'mon, sharing is caring, spread the love, love thy neighbor, and all that good stuff. Even though I mentioned my preferred hotspots in a previous post, tonight I'm trying out a brand-new place with a brand-new man. So it's a crap shoot all around. (Suddenly I feel a song coming on. Unfortunately, to my dismay, it has a country western vibe.) Though kissing and telling ain't gonna happen, I will share the conundrum running through my head. What will I wear? What will I drink? Will it be love? Wait ... which Dave is this? (I've met THREE in one week.)

So much for being slick. No one has dating down to a science, though I can certainly provide a tip to spare some embarrassment: Until you're able to keep them all straight in your head, never utter the words, "Didn't we say we'd meet up on Tuesday?" Don't mention any other day of the week either because, inevitably, you will be speaking with one of the other two men. Just sayin'. (I even took it a step further and inadvertently mentioned multiple dates to the wrong man. Can the universe scream "STOP! NO! DON'T!" any louder?)

Which is why this l'il Geisha-nista will def need a frosty, fruity funfest to start whistlin' Dixie. Ok, maybe not. I don't whistle. And Dixie ... what in the hell is that cliche about? I'll just be happy if he makes me laugh. (Though I think drinks will help.) Forget the "Where are you from, what do you do for fun?" bullshit. We ALL know what I do for fun. (And personally I think "fun" is an understatement. Hence GEISHA-MANIA!) But back to what's really important people -- who can resist eight ounces of awesome? Exactly. So what if it's attached to tall, dark, and gift-giving? Talk about jackpots.

Enough of this folderol, the verdict arrives soon enough and I'm positive you'll all be wondering until then. Can't make it to happy hour? Nonsense -- what ARE you bitches made of? Seriously. Break out the bling, throw on some shades, spritz eau de parfum, and I'll bring it to you. Here's one of my fave recipes for frozen watermelon bliss ... brew it by the vat for 100% satisfaction!

http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/watermelon-margaritas-10000001995736/

Have a unique or original cocktail recipe you think I'd enjoy ... something with a geisha twist? Again, SEE/TYPE/SEND to the comments section below -- I'll even post your pic along with the Lady Geisha Seal of Approval! (Bloody hell, you people are so damn high-maintenance.)

Oh yeah, stay tuned for the latest on all things GEISHA-MANIA! ... from new songs, eBooks, recipes, fashion and dating advice to campaigns, content, swell swag, and more. (Mark my words, little wontons, you really won't be able to contain yourselves. And neither will I.)

xoxo

WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?

While sipping cocktails and swapping secrets Tuesday night, a "friend" showed me an iPhone app called Shazam. Its purpose is to provide info about new music that you don't already know -- especially the name! Once started, the app picks up sound waves, locates the song, names the artist, finds lyrics, etc. Imagine that.

Of course, I wondered if this would work with MY little ditty (he DEFINITELY had his doubts), so I dared him to crank up Shazam while I fired up my iTunes. We assumed a pseudo-Voldemort stance, pointed our iPhones at each other like wacky wands (he was Harry to my Hermione), took a deep breath, closed our eyes, and left the rest to fate. (Well, we really didn't close our damn eyes. I just added that for effect.)

Sure enough, what in the world pops up? Mmmmm-hmmmm. That's right kiddie-sans --GEISHA-MANIA! GEISHA-MANIA! (Obviously SOMEBODY's doin' it.)

WOO-HOO!!!!! In all my Lady Geisha-ness, I blushed, pretended to be coy (so utterly foreign to MOI) and, needless to say, was beyond thrilled. He was QUITE impressed. (As well he should be.)

Moral of the story? No moral -- obviously I have NO morals. I mean, have you SEEN the video??? But, I must confess, it's nice seeing all my behind-the-scenes work paying off -- IN SPADES! And there you have it.

Lotsa love, 
xoxoxo

Memoirs of a Geisha-in-the-Making™ … How the Song Came to Be

As mentioned previously, GEISHA-MANIA!™ practically wrote itself -- after years of deliberation. Here's the story …

What did I know about recording a song -- or physical comedy for that matter? Not much, if you discount the east coast record company I worked with years ago in the 90's. Now THAT was funny. Talk about delusions of white girl grandeur. Let me digress. Back then, I actually found a label that would meet with me to discuss recording a so-called "comedy album," but when I walked into a room full of real rappers and music producers, all I could think was, "Holy sh*t!"

They sized me up and said, "Ok, sing." Just like that. My response was "Now?" followed by, "Can we at least close the door?" Doors shut, I mustered as much Bronx-bred bravado as possible and sang. (Well, I wouldn’t quite call it “singing,” but you get the drift.) And when I was done, five big black dudes were slapping their knees, stomping their feet, and hooting hysterically. I kid you not.

I actually recorded a comedic novelty song with them, but wasn't thrilled with the contract and refused to sign. That song was never released, but I walked away with a TV track (instrumental version). Regardless of what could have been, I've always known how much I loved making people laugh. From a baby's belly-laugh to adults chortling liquid out their noses, it's still music to my ears.

Around that same time, I created a goofy geisha cartoon and thought it would be funny to bring her to life, like a female Austin Powers-type character. ("Very GEISHA-NISTA, baby!") Of course she'd need a theme song, so I used that same TV track to “produce” the original version of “Geisha-Mania."

Armed with a second-hand karaoke machine, I somehow recorded vocals and layered the chorus to sound like a crowd. (Sort of.) I have no clue what I did, but soon found myself on radio morning shows back in NJ, opening nightclubs in Brooklyn, and center stage at the Atlantic City Film Festival with an over-the-hill Sally Kirkland, who stuffed herself into a black spandex dress like sausage at San Gennaro. Don't even ask. 

All that was great fun, but back then I honestly didn't know how to spin the character to the next level -- nor did I have the time or money. I was a struggling single mom who didn't have the luxury of playing wannabe performer. Forced to put “Geisha-Mania” on hold, I knew I'd figure it out at some point. 

Early last year was that point. While working as a senior writer for Disney Interactive, I started re-thinking the project, but couldn't finalize an angle for the character or new lyrics. "Gangnam Style" started ruling YouTube, and I knew a K-pop revolution had begun -- the timing was right. I was still mulling it over until September, when my entire division was laid off right after Labor Day.

Later that month it all became clear -- the lyrics, the angle, everything. Like manna from heaven. “Geisha-Mania” would be GAGA GONE GANGNAM! Seemingly lychees were being laid at my feet. With Psy's wacky horse dancing and cheesy moves all the rage, my crazy "Lady Geisha" character was perfectly poised to follow in his footsteps … but how? 

Again, I knew nothing about recording a song so I called various industry peeps to find out what was needed -- a music producer, beats, mixing, mastering? The guys I spoke with listened to my story and gave good advice. I scheduled meetings with several producers, but one really stood out after our conversation -- Rico Lucky, owner of Lost Angels Studio in the Hollywood Hills.

I met with Rico and never went to my other appointments. We hit it off immediately. He liked the project, thought it would be fun, and explained exactly how the production-recording process would unfold. We worked on the music together at the studio (he's a-MAZING) and two weeks later I was in the recording booth. Three days after that, he sent over the master copy of GEISHA-MANIA! as we now know it, which presented a new conundrum – how do I sell this thing? 

xo

It's a Dog-Chic-Dog World!

They're BAAAAAAAAAAAACK! 

Ziggy, Shiloh, Marley, Layla, Biggs, and Kobe rock their kimonos at the GEISHA-MANIA! shoot ... along with choreographer/dancer Polet Vartanians (behind those Foster Grants!) and makeup artist Abe Steinberg, who gave Harrison and Joe their geisha-tastic looks. 

Have YOU watched them in action? Check'em out: http://youtu.be/20h4EkWnk4g