YOU'RE TOO SEXY FOR YOURSELF!

Listen to Dita my darlings ... don’t let the Eeyores, peasants, or trolls make you feel anything less than fabulous. It's a state of mind. Hold onto it with all you've got 'cuz you're all you have. Allowing miserable naysayers to screw with your head to make themselves feel better is your fault, capeesh? Put on your big girl panties and simply don't let it affect you. Besides, who has time for bad juju? 

I'm the perfect example of how age, shape, or size doesn’t matter. My tagline reads "quirky, middle-aged underdog with killer biceps" -- not conventionally beautiful, young, or a traditional singer. (If anything, I'm self-aware. And hell, I have great guns.) People scratch their heads at what I’m doing. They just don't get it, but I’ll smoke a wasabi bong before THAT stops me. (Plus, my skin's Bronx-bred tough, so have at it bitches.) I've already paid my dues and played by the rules. Now it's time to break a few. There’s no age limit on having fun … I just did it in a sushi bikini. 

So don those proverbial sushi bikinis chicas, and throw caution to gravity, curves, or a number -- it’s what you feel inside that matters. God knows I FEEL 20 so, hypothetically, I AM acting my age. Confucius say, "When you believe in yourself, music videos get made." (Bet'cha thought he'd go the warm 'n' fuzzy "the-rest-of-the-universe-will-too" route. Duh.)

Stay tuned for GEISHA-NISTA-GO-GO™ this spring ... I'm collaborating with one hella dope rap artist, and you will NOT believe how bitchin' we are.

BTW, DON'T FORGET TO BE LIKE A PITBULL WITH A STEAK WHEN IT COMES TO FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS ... THERE ARE NO DO-OVERS! xo

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IT'S NOT UNUSUAL? HELL, YEAH IT IS.

Tom Jones, pre-Beefcake days, shirt slightly open

Vegas icon Tom Jones is that annoying little Welsh voice caught between my half-carat Harry Winston studs today. (Not like I have other old-guy Welsh voices stuck in my head ever -- that would just be creepy, ok?) But when said song is "It's Not Unusual" 72 hours before Valentine's Day, just harpoon my heart already. Saccharin is NOT my flavor of choice, for the clueless few that couldn't tell.

Oompa-Loompa Tom at his "Beefcake-iest Best"

Granted, I actually think "It's Not Unusual" would make one helluva cover -- Lady Geisha-style, of course. Imagine my signature scream-laugh. Here's the catch. Even though I'm fond of that song (and the 1960s as a whole), I'm deathly allergic to furry man boobs peeking out from shirts open to the waist, snapping to my own music, and grown men growling like cartoon chia pets. Poor Tom. Please someone, ANYONE, for the love of all that's sane and (more importantly) chic, make it f*g stop. Don't even get me started on "What's New Pussycat?" ... yes, Virginia, there IS a silver lining.

Screw the shirt. Banana hammock vs. sushi bikini. 

Who am I to judge?

Being that I'm quite the giver and the term earworm is a calque (borrowed phrase) from the German "Ohrwum" (not that I'm blaming my fellow Krauts for Tom's takeover), here's a little pre-Valentine's gift. Just for you. Have at it ... and please take note of Tom's famous pelvic jump thrust at :53. It's hilarious. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -- LG xo

It's Not Unusual

BTW, little wontons ... don't forget to check out my brand-y new website and GEISHA-MANIA! shop for cool Valentine's Day GEISHA GEAR! xo

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IT'S LIVE!!!

http://geisha-mania.com/

Boys, bling, fashion & FUN! They said it couldn't be done. HAH! Well, Lady Geisha (that's me!) and my brand-new website prove it can. Rome wasn't built in a day, so pipe down and check out the latest news on the little musically silly sideshow that could. And did. And would. And should. Oy.

BTW, here's a delicious little tidbit to help you sleep at night. I'm BACK IN THE STUDIO THIS MONTH, makin' music, singin' songs, and laughing my size 0 ass off. (What can I say? Size 2 sounded better in the song.) That's right, it never ends. Never. 

Just wait'll you see which rap artist I'm collaborating with for my next musical funfest -- as if your delicate eyes and ears had had enough. Heh, heh, heh. Talk about hella hot ... sushi bikinis were only the beginning. 

And speaking of sushi bikinis, the GEISHA-MANIA! Sing-along Video is being re-released this spring! Yup, I kid you not. (As if you needed another reason to never look at hot tubs the same way.)

Happy Hump Day, grab some drinkie-poos at Happy Hour, watch GEISHA-MANIA! all over again, and whatever you do, stay happy bitches ...  stay tuned for THE YEAR OF THE GEISHA!  xoxo

http://geisha-mania.com/

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THANK YOU LADY GAGA.

I'm a little late to the fracas (the AMA's were held in November), but I just came across this Metro article and OMFG. This gottdamned issue just refuses to die. Which is why I'm extending a great big, belated thank you to Lady Gaga -- it's about time someone addressed the bullshit. I've got balls big enough, but Ga has an infinitely larger audience. To date. And oh yeah, here's my take.

Correct me if I'm delusional, but doesn't one of our freedoms entitle everyone to "artistic expression"-- without being accused of racism or other derogatory character assassinations? I'm specifically speaking about music, film, video, or any performance that's even remotely geisha-related. Let's set things straight once and forever. Technically, geishas are performers who happen to rock a unique look -- hair, makeup, clothing. Kinda like kabuki, samurai, and clowns. Or my "gal pals" from GEISHA-MANIA! (BTW, those guys are fab actors with a pretty impressive list of thespi-credits between them. I was lucky to work with Joe and Harrison. They nailed their performances with killer expressions. I still wet myself. And both were exceptionally good sports about the whole damn thing. No one can imagine what they endured to get pretty-fied.)

As pointed out by some less-than-erudite trolls who watched my video, if having my guys dress geisha-style is racist, then why is it just peachy for millions of peeps--men as well as women--to purchase geisha costumes, wigs, and face paint year after year for Halloween? How is that acceptable and GEISHA-MANIA isn't? It's just as much a parody -- and since when is parody a crime? I may have missed the rickshaw, but exactly how is it culturally insensitive? Better still, what does it even have to do with the Japanese culture? Somebody has some 'splainin to do. Need I continue? Thank you.

Here's where it gets juicy. For the love of all things Japanese, please--anyone--enlighten me as to why Disney's "Mulan" escaped unscathed when one of its most hilarious scenes features male characters parading around IN GEISHA GARB? Yup. Did using the word "concubine" seriously blur any lines? IMO, that's even more insulting, but they sure as heck looked like geishas to me. (And probably to most people.) Was it not parody when Ling, Yao, and Chien Po dressed up like geisha girls to "have their way" (figuratively speaking, of course) with the palace guards? Indeed. Silly little me for thinking that's exactly what it was. Where'd the moral majority stand on that one?

I didn't realize racism was so selective, especially when it comes to who's being accused of it. The House of Mouse racist? Hell to the no bitch -- but only if you're one of the drones drinkin' the Kool-aid an' wearing Minnie-colored glasses. (With the Disney logo slapped all over it, of course.) Seems like what some call "racism" is actually okay ...  if you're a multi-billion dollar media conglomerate with theme park rides, and Mickey ears, and movies. Oh my. How prejudiced is THAT?

I don't like and won't tolerate racist accusations thrown at me -- because it's the furthest from the f'g truth. Have the tight-assed, right-wing bastages actually seen YouTube lately? I'd be happy to provide personal recommendations that'll make their eyes fall out. Although I probably shouldn't dignify any of this with a response, you know me -- I just had to add my two yen. Last time I checked I lived in America, so get a grip people. Better yet, get a LIFE, and find real issues to bash and bitch about.

Lady Gaga Defends Katy Perry Geisha Performance

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