A MOM BY ANY OTHER NAME!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, Mommies, Maters, Mutters, Mammas, Mamans, Mamasitas, and Mumsies of the world! What would we do without you? An ever-present influence, confidante and all-round rock in our lives, Mom patiently listens when we drone on and on, finds silver linings to any cloud, and sends comfort food care packages, or the calvary, depending on what kind of trouble we're in. Simply put, there are no words to aptly describe how amazing she is. What can we do to show our appreciation?

Funny you should ask. Whether you've got the Benjamins to jet Mom to Belize or only have time to spend, it's the creativity that counts. Why not think outside the proverbial Hallmark card and make it something she'll never forget? As part of my annual salute, I've comprised a mom-centric gift-giving list that leaves flowers in the dust they sprang from.

Honoring Mom, Granny, and those who've been there like a mom only once a year doesn't even come close to the kudos they deserve. But here's to another 365 days of hugs, love, laughter, and time-honored advice we always can count on. (Even when we don't ask.) xo

1. Diamonds

Why do breakfast at Tiffany's when you can rock Mom's world with sparkly rocks? Think the biggest, most badass bling your budget can buy — from earrings and encrusted charms to classic tennis bracelets, carats are king. They don't call them "girl's best friend" for nothing.

2. Weekend Getaway

Pack Mom's bags and head out for open-road adventure ... destination unknown. Drive up the coast, to the mountains, lake, desert, or anywhere farther than Mom's fave grocery store. 

3. Wine Tasting

Present Mum with a pungent bouquet — and we're not talking mums. Visit a nearby vineyard to savor fruity, fleshy, floral-y bliss. Tilt the Chardonnay. Swirl the Pinot. Sniff the Cabernet. Ahhh, life is but a full-bodied dream. Salud!

4. Sushi-making Class

Holy hot chopsticks! You gotta know when to roll'em, know when to fold'em ... all it takes is a little practice, Ginsu knives, and a dab of wasabi. (And to think Mama-san warned you about playing with your food.) Mangiare! 

5. Salsa Lessons

Your little old Mamasita from Pasadena will definitely bust a move as she cumbias her way across the dance floor. Jaws will drop over those killer cross body leads. (Sexy Latin dance partner optional ... or Dad'll do.)  

6. Go-Kart Racing

Even the mildest-mannered mothers have a need for speed! Suit yours up with protective gear and gloves, then watch her put the pedal to the metal. Buckle up, baby, her adrenaline will be pumpin' faster than house music at a gay bar.

7. Head-to-toe Makeover

She's done so much for you ... with grace, selflessness, and not a stylist in sight. Tsk, tsk. Times they are a-changin'. Pamper Mom with a new cut, color, makeup, mani/pedi, and wardrobe that takes her from garden variety to glam-tastic.

8. Gym Membership

Und we are here to PUMP (clap) YOU UP! Nobody's throwing this mama from a train. Keep her in tip-top shape with her choice of classes, weight training, martial arts, or one-on-one coach. Pretty soon she'll be liftin', flexin', and kickin' blue-hair ass!

9. Picnic on the Beach

Searching for the ultimate dinner theater? Nothing beats catching waves while passing the beast! Pack a bottle of wine, cheese, fruit, salads, sandwiches, and/or gourmet finger foods for a divine sunset feast. Real glasses, silverware, and china make it extra special ... just like Mom.

10. A Handwritten Letter

Mom's been your biggest cheerleader. Grab a pen, pretty paper, and pour your heart out in a heartfelt, handwritten letter highlighting all the wonderful moments you've shared. It's the ultimate tribute ... and a surefire key to her heart.

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For Mothers Everywhere ... Love, Me

It's Mother's Day and I can't think of a better way to celebrate than by giving a shout-out to some of my fave moms of all time -- including my mother and myself! From funny, cool, and uber-sexy pop culture royalty to actual blue-blooded child-bearers, the maternal instincts exuded by these hot mamas always makes me smile. How totally fabulous is that?

1. Morticia Addams
First off, I actually wanted to BE Morticia. How hot was she, wiggling around in that slinky black number, with her long black mane and boobs a-burstin', driving her crazy-wealthy-crazy husband insane? Dang. Gomez was surely under her spell, but it was his "Cara Mia's" sharp-as-a-razor wit and blasé attitude that sealed the deal for me. Morticia was absolute perfection -- and her mothering skills? Wednesday and Pugsley weren't complaining.

2. Samantha Stevens
Sam was sexy, funny, and possessed some pretty awesome powers. Who else could travel back and forth in time, turn people into toads (or any other animal), concoct potions, and make riches appear with the twitch of her nose? Let's just say Tabitha was one lucky little witch. I'd practice the nose aerobics for hours to no avail, but what perplexed me most was why the hell she stuck with either Darrin. York or Sargent, could they have chosen more derpy dudes? Ewww.

3. Endora
Who didn't adore Endora? Dripping in drag queen glam, menacingly powerful, and so damn over the top there was never a top in sight. Ever. Nothing was sacred. (Tee-hee!) Endora perfected the art of being wonderfully wicked ... and I loved her protectiveness toward Samantha. Talk about f*cking FIERCE. I secretly wished that she'd replace Darrin with Major Nelson ("I Dream of Jeannie") or some other hunk, but that was just my opinion. (I know, I need to get over it.)

4. Mrs. Gloop
"Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory" (Gene Wilder version) is one of my all-time faves -- SUCH a fun flick. The original characters were absolutely brilliant ... so much so, that quoting them never gets old. Why Mrs. Gloop? Well, what can I say but, "Au-goo-tus, sveet-heart, save some rrrhoom for lay-tahhh!" "You've boiled him up, I knowww it!" "He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!" "You're not sqveezing me sthrough zat tiny door!" OMFG. Pure genius. I, for one, can't get enough.

5. Mrs. Teevee
"I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table." "I assume there's an accident indemnity clause." "Somebody's touching me!" Enough said.

6. Cher
After finally getting over the fact I couldn't BE Cher, for a brief fleeting moment I wanted to be Chastity Bono so I could, at the very least, have access to mommy's killer Bob Mackie collection. (I'd even resigned myself to wearing a wig 'cuz my hair never grew that long.) Aside from the fact that Chastity was an adorable towhead (blondes do have more fun -- I've been both and can attest to this), Cher seemed to be such a loving, doting mama. (I still love how she loves her kids.) IMO, clothes and anything my heart desired? WIN-WIN.

7. Carol Brady
Who didn't want a perky, smiling soccer mom who ran around town in Pucci-esque mini dresses? (I did.) Carol had it goin' on with her frosted shag 'do, hot little bod, handsome architect hubby, sprawling ranch-style home, and not one damn worry in the world. Plus, she had ALICE! Partners-in-crime don't get much better. Those kids seriously scored.

8. Clair Huxtable
You just don't f*ck with Claire. She's a lawyer and will sue your ass, chew it up, and spit you out -- all before her morning OJ. God I loved her.

9. Miss Ellie
Miss Ellie was the only one who could control J.R. Ewing -- now that's a testament to true power. (Are you picking up on the power theme yet?) Plus, she lived on a gorgeous estate and everyone loved her to bits. "Mama" was the kind of old Texan lady that you don't mess with. She could shoot you with her eyes closed and walk over your dead carcass for afternoon tea.

10. Sue Ellen Ewing
She had zero backbone, was a lush, and sucked as a wife, but Sue Ellen was all about mothering (sometimes smothering) John Ross. And her Bill Travilla wardrobe. And money. I like that.

11. Lucille Bluth
There is a God and she has one helluva sense of humor. If I'd grown up with Lucille Bluth, lord only knows how much funnier (or f*d up) I'd be. Hmmmmm. Let's just say therapy doesn't hurt. Her subpar mothering skills are no match for her finely honed sarcasm, which trumps tuna casserole any day.

12. Princess Diana
Shy Di did it her way -- and raised two altruistic sons any mom would be proud of. All while flipping off the entire monarchy. Gotta love ballsy blue bloods with a fantastic sense of style. The whole world loved her and so do I. Still.

13. Jackie Kennedy
Style, beauty, grace ... this fashion-forward First Lady epitomized American royalty. She was a stoic and protective mother to John Jr. and Caroline, as well as an iconic role model to millions. Add me to the list of fans with a JK girl crush!

14. My Mom
What can I say besides how much I love her? She's my best friend, confidante, biggest cheerleader, and never tires of hearing my voice. (Okay, I'm sure she does, but she never lets on.) Born in the Bronx, my mother's taught me selflessness, loyalty, and a NYC-bred fierceness that has made me the woman I am today. Plus, she's ever-supportive and kinda thinks I'm the funniest thing since sliced bread. Mom tells all her senior pals (as well as peeps on the street) all about her daughter's wacky music video. Bless her heart. Thank you Mom, for everything. I love you.

15. Me
Well I admit, I've given mothering my own twist and have somehow succeeded. (For the most part.) Of course, being a mom is a partnership of sorts -- I wouldn't be writing these words if my life hadn't been touched by the angel that came into my life 20+ years ago. I'd relive every single second to have you as you are today. Thank you my darling. I love you and am surely one very lucky mama.

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SINGLE PARENTS ARE SUPERHEROES!

Forget satire, songs, and being silly. Let's get serious ... if just for day.

Today is Single Parents Day and I honestly don’t know where to begin – it would take volumes. That said, I suppose having the baby’s a good place to start. My life changed forever and became perfect all at once the moment she was born. I was in baby love with the most incredible being. Her innocent little eyes looked up to me for everything … how could I (or anyone) not want to give her the world? Those that know us know the answer.

Words can’t describe playing the role of both mom and dad. I often felt isolated and unsure of exactly where I fit in. Though definitely challenged on some levels, I was blessed with a child who somehow understood we were in this together. It wasn’t about social norms, expectations, or stuff – it was about love. It was about US.

There was no other option but to prevail. Sometimes the gray area was blinding, yet here we are. We actually made it -- quite swimmingly, I must add. I jumped in, followed my gut, and did my best. (It also helped that she was quite an amazing co-pilot.) People act on instincts … and seeing her now proves mine were pretty damn good.

It’s been a long, short, wonderful, frightening, beautiful, trying, ever-rewarding journey. Miraculously I weathered the emotional rollercoaster to raise a brilliant, successful young woman. The word “proud” doesn’t quite cut it. (Let me throw in “Class Valedictorian” just once more. Please. Oh, and did I mention brilliant?)

Bottom line, I’d relive every single second to be exactly who and where we are today. Because of her words I understand the meaning of true wealth. Because of her fierceness I’ve come to realize my own strength. Because of her love I believe in angels, as she is truly mine. I am so lucky to have lived this life. Thank you my darling. I love you … infinity squared.

Celebrate Single Parent Appreciation Day and send lots of love to all the moms and dads raising children alone … they truly have the hardest job in existence. Hopefully, like mine, it’s been the most gratifying. xo

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