Friday, June 6, 2014


Hola Love Muffins! Did y'a miss me??! I've been sequestered away making new music (get ready for GEISHANISTA GO-GO!), but being that today's such an auspicious holiday, I had to chime in. Sorta.

It's National Donut Day ... ummm, "yay"? While the rest of the world salivates over heaping helpings of colorful Kentucky-fried dough (sorry, not a fan), I couldn't resist Googling "sexy donuts." One might surmise that the term "sexy donuts" is an oxymoron, but you're in for a fabulously freaky treat -- minus millions of empty calories. I know "sexy [INSERT RANDOM ITEM HERE]" is a running theme with me (see Sexy Strawberries), but get over it. Please. A girl can never have TOO MUCH FUN. And hot damn, I have a reputation to maintain.

Ours is a seriously sordid world and, keeping that in mind, it's only fair I get some sick twisted pleasure out of providing commentary on the random, albeit hilarious, pics that popped up. Consider it my "raison d'être." (You don't think I'd be joking about diamonds and daddies, do you? Well, do you? Exactly.)

Without further ado, we're off to see the blizzard of insanity. (A baker's dozen, no less.) Remember, these are supposed to be SEXY. Try not to guffaw. Dulce de leche and jelly and glazed -- OH MY!

WTF? No, seriously, WTF? Not a sexy donut in sight.
Unless you count those forehead implants. Add spikey
sprinkles and they're fresh out of the oven. Now that's hot.

If orange is the new black, then
Cheetos are the new donuts.
Ring-around-the-Long-John, anyone?

Hell, I'd be pissed too if some stupid dying douche
ate my last tequila ganache-filled confection.

Wait, I'm confoozled. Which is the donut ... and do we even wanna
know what's she filled with? Is cannibalism sexy? You decide. 
But first, run before she eats the entire gottdamned Internet.

From one extreme to ... SO many ways to go with 
this one (especially since she's squatting), but let's keep it 
semi SFW. Here she's not CFDA-naked OR a donut, but 
kudos to Ri-Ri and her f'g awesome SEO peeps once again. 
Guess where she's hiding the creme-filled?

Not sure 'bout you, but this screams DONUT to me. 

Technically, Dennis Leary is NOT a sexy donut.
That's just my opinion.

Neither is Robert Downey Jr., but diet schmiet. 
Who wouldn't take a bite outta that? Yum. (Call me.)

At first, I thought fugly, mismatched earrings ... BUT NO!!! 
They're Britney Spears-inspired sexy donuts. No sh*t.

Another "Where's Waldo?" conundrum. But isn't it fun in a
Chucky-chops-up-Rudolf-and-hides'im-in-your-stocking kinda way?

See what promises of sexy donuts do to 
sugar-starved horndogs? (And walking beanstalks.) 
All over some hoochie cruller in the front row.

Christy Creams ... of course she does. 
Hey, I didn't name her.

Today's pièce de résistance ... look ma, no teeth!
Enough said.

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