Tuesday, April 22, 2014


Happy Earth Day love muffins! Rather than planting trees (which everyone, myself included, obviously supports), I want to plant some LOVE in celebration of the planet that makes all my dreams come true. Every single day. I could give you fun factoids and random acts of altruism, but I won't -- that's what Slate is for.  I could pontificate on the finer points of environmental awareness, but I won't -- that's where National Geographic excels. I shall simply be "moi," spreading my I-dig-you-you-dig-me-we-dig-each-other-it's-groovy-oh-yeah sentiment for all to enjoy.

So what is it about this big, ol' beautiful lug of an Earth that I adore? Funny you should ask.

1. Beaches
A British pal calls my beloved sanctuary "dirt by the sea," but really, it's so much more. I cherish beaches for their sex, romance, and box office smash factor. Just think "From Here to Eternity" -- who doesn't wanna roll around in the surf half naked (or just plain naked) with a hulking hunk of man candy? Exactly.

2. Mountains
Purple mountain majesty aside, they're freakin' cool. Like gargantuan raw diamonds shooting up through the Earth's surface. Oh, and the massive strength simply makes me weak in the knees. (More than I can say for some dudes.) May the tectonic force be with ME. Shudder.

3. Canyons
Grand or otherwise, I have two words: James Dean. Don't know why, so don't ask. Okay, I do. Imagine riding winding canyon roads on the back of JD's Harley, hair whipping in the wind while holding on to his leather-clad curves (for dear life) as the bike hugs every curve of the road. Oh, the places you'll go.

4. Desert
For whatever reason, filming black and white performance art videos amongst the desert dunes has always been my "thing." Like poetry come to life. What's better than miles of sand, sand, and more sand? Not much. Doing it covered in pearls? Even better. Doing it while on an all-expense-paid exotic African safari? Priceless. Mucho gracias, Papi.

5. Rivers
Lazy, winding, or otherwise, the see-and-be-seen hotspot for super sailboats and luxury yachts alike. Yours included. Call me, you wicked little sheikhie poo. (Overcompensation overlooked.)

6. Babbling Brooks
Secluded picnics for two ... butterflies and Chardonnay ... the prelude to that first fireworks-went-off kiss. You get the picture. Surprising me with some Tiffany blue beside a babbling brook? Yeah, baby.

7. Fields
Whether it conjures W.C. or the Beatles' rhythmically rad strawberry-filled funfest, just bring your dancing shoes, 'cause we're waltzing amidst the wild flowers. I'll sing. Have at it bitches.

8. Meadows
See #7 above ... only let's make it even more wild. Bring blankets, your bare feet, and a bottle of Dom. Un-hunh. It's on.

9. Lakes
Water is sexy. Period. Where have you people been? Aside from that rainy makeout scene in "9-1/2 Weeks," what's hotter than parasailing in a sushi bikini? Duh.

10. Chirping Birds
Being serenaded by melodic chirping is simply one of the most exquisite sounds ever. (Don't get me wrong -- I despise pigeons. Dirty bastages. One crapped on my hair eons ago near Grand Central Station and I had a major freak-out. Not fun.) Watch it Tweety ... but chirping is awesome nonetheless.

11. Flowers
When Sugar Papi seriously screws up, how could I possibly stay sour when he delivers a great big bouquet of blooming fabulosity? (Of course, 22 carats of "please forgive me" tucked smack dab in the center of those rare, pricey orchids provides complete exoneration. Good save.) Keep'em coming.

12. Trees
This is a given. Especially when I'm strolling a palm tree-lined street. In Beverly Hills. On Rodeo Drive. While shopping. Life is good. Join me.

13. Flowers on trees
Now we've hit the daily double. Magnolias, cherry blossoms, dogwoods ... all surrounding my Olympic-size pool with Olympic-sized pool boys. (If you know what I mean.) I like big trees and I can not lie.

14. Forests
Tropical rainforests, Redwoods, even Deutschland's Black Forest all conjure a sense of thrilling adventure, primal abandon, and damn straight all hell breaking loose. (Just make sure I can plug in the blow dryer, ok?) And I almost forgot the most important reason -- Tarzan. Um, hello? Leopard loincloths. Enough said.

15. People
Just as we define that feeling of home by the people who surround us, this planet wouldn't be what it is without the incredible human spirit. We have our moments. Some cool, some, well, not so much. (BTW, I'm always cool. It's a gift.) Regardless of what obstacles are put in our path, nine times out of ten, we come together. We prove there's strength in solidarity. We prove the power of love. (Papi just proves it with Jimmy Choos.) How amazing is that? Happy Earth Day ... every day. xo

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