So stay tuned for THE YEAR OF THE GEISHA! (Don't say you weren't warned.) xo
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Friday, January 31, 2014
GONG XI FA CAI!
With new music, GEISHA-ON-THE-STREET videos, books, merch, and more, I've got lots of little surprises up my sleeve -- but nothing dangerous! (Well, let's hope not.)
So stay tuned for THE YEAR OF THE GEISHA! (Don't say you weren't warned.) xo
So stay tuned for THE YEAR OF THE GEISHA! (Don't say you weren't warned.) xo
Friday, January 24, 2014
THANK GOD IT'S ... FOOT FETISH FRIDAY!
These are the reason someone coined the term "Shoe Porn." I'm all hot 'n' bothered by Gianvito Rossi's leopard calf hair sandals ... perfect for 50 Shades of Trouble, no? And since they have MY name written all over'em, I can't imagine why Sugar Papi shouldn't pick them up on his way home tonight. I'm all about surprises. Seems like someone (ahem) will be wearing a great big bow and not much else. 'Cuz THAT'S how I roll. Talk about "SHOOBYLICIOUS"! Muy caliente ... xoxo
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Thursday, January 23, 2014
THANK YOU LADY GAGA.
I'm a little late to the fracas (the AMA's were held in November), but I just came across this Metro article and OMFG. This gottdamned issue just refuses to die. Which is why I'm extending a great big, belated thank you to Lady Gaga -- it's about time someone addressed the bullshit. I've got balls big enough, but Ga has an infinitely larger audience. To date. And oh yeah, here's my take.
Correct me if I'm delusional, but doesn't one of our freedoms entitle everyone to "artistic expression"-- without being accused of racism or other derogatory character assassinations? I'm specifically speaking about music, film, video, or any performance that's even remotely geisha-related. Let's set things straight once and forever. Technically, geishas are performers who happen to rock a unique look -- hair, makeup, clothing. Kinda like kabuki, samurai, and clowns. Or my "gal pals" from GEISHA-MANIA! (BTW, those guys are fab actors with a pretty impressive list of thespi-credits between them. I was lucky to work with Joe and Harrison. They nailed their performances with killer expressions. I still wet myself. And both were exceptionally good sports about the whole damn thing. No one can imagine what they endured to get pretty-fied.)
As pointed out by some less-than-erudite trolls who watched my video, if having my guys dress geisha-style is racist, then why is it just peachy for millions of peeps--men as well as women--to purchase geisha costumes, wigs, and face paint year after year for Halloween? How is that acceptable and GEISHA-MANIA isn't? It's just as much a parody -- and since when is parody a crime? I may have missed the rickshaw, but exactly how is it culturally insensitive? Better still, what does it even have to do with the Japanese culture? Somebody has some 'splainin to do. Need I continue? Thank you.
Here's where it gets juicy. For the love of all things Japanese, please--anyone--enlighten me as to why Disney's "Mulan" escaped unscathed when one of its most hilarious scenes features male characters parading around IN GEISHA GARB? Yup. Did using the word "concubine" seriously blur any lines? IMO, that's even more insulting, but they sure as heck looked like geishas to me. (And probably to most people.) Was it not parody when Ling, Yao, and Chien Po dressed up like geisha girls to "have their way" (figuratively speaking, of course) with the palace guards? Indeed. Silly little me for thinking that's exactly what it was. Where'd the moral majority stand on that one?
I didn't realize racism was so selective, especially when it comes to who's being accused of it. The House of Mouse racist? Hell to the no bitch -- but only if you're one of the drones drinkin' the Kool-aid an' wearing Minnie-colored glasses. (With the Disney logo slapped all over it, of course.) Seems like what some call "racism" is actually okay ... if you're a multi-billion dollar media conglomerate with theme park rides, and Mickey ears, and movies. Oh my. How prejudiced is THAT?
I don't like and won't tolerate racist accusations thrown at me -- because it's the furthest from the f'g truth. Have the tight-assed, right-wing bastages actually seen YouTube lately? I'd be happy to provide personal recommendations that'll make their eyes fall out. Although I probably shouldn't dignify any of this with a response, you know me -- I just had to add my two yen. Last time I checked I lived in America, so get a grip people. Better yet, get a LIFE, and find real issues to bash and bitch about.
Lady Gaga Defends Katy Perry Geisha Performance
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Wednesday, January 22, 2014
ARE YOU READY???
HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!
Yay, I'm hanging at Lost Angels studio this week to work on my two new singles with music producer Rico Lucky ... two, count'em, TWO. How f'g cool is that? I know, I know, it's been a millennia since my circus-style sideshow GEISHA-MANIA, but these things take time. Like a finely aged vino. Or just time ... damn it.
That's right bitches -- this quirky middle-aged underdog with killer biceps is back. With a vengeance, even. Whadd'ya think -- one song and she's done? One sushi bikini and she's teriyaki? One romp with two dudes in geisha drag and she's back to a gray cube? Hell to the NO. This is only the proverbial onslaught of all things Lady Geisha. Just what the world needs. I know. But don't whine you weren't warned. On the other hand, if you don't like it and have nothing nice to say, kiss my white ass and crawl back under your right-wing rock.
On the other, other hand, YOU could be part of my next music video. Un-hunh. Stars in your eyes? Oh, that was soot? Poor baby. Either way, stay tuned for all the deets 'cuz all I can say is, "Are you ready for THIS?" Even if you're not, I don't really give a rat's ass. That's how I roll. Welcome to the YEAR OF THE GEISHA.
That is all.
xo
Yay, I'm hanging at Lost Angels studio this week to work on my two new singles with music producer Rico Lucky ... two, count'em, TWO. How f'g cool is that? I know, I know, it's been a millennia since my circus-style sideshow GEISHA-MANIA, but these things take time. Like a finely aged vino. Or just time ... damn it.
That's right bitches -- this quirky middle-aged underdog with killer biceps is back. With a vengeance, even. Whadd'ya think -- one song and she's done? One sushi bikini and she's teriyaki? One romp with two dudes in geisha drag and she's back to a gray cube? Hell to the NO. This is only the proverbial onslaught of all things Lady Geisha. Just what the world needs. I know. But don't whine you weren't warned. On the other hand, if you don't like it and have nothing nice to say, kiss my white ass and crawl back under your right-wing rock.
On the other, other hand, YOU could be part of my next music video. Un-hunh. Stars in your eyes? Oh, that was soot? Poor baby. Either way, stay tuned for all the deets 'cuz all I can say is, "Are you ready for THIS?" Even if you're not, I don't really give a rat's ass. That's how I roll. Welcome to the YEAR OF THE GEISHA.
That is all.
xo
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Monday, November 11, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
FRIDAY, FRIDAY, FRIDAY ... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY WEEK?
HOLA IS RIGHT!
Oy ... it's been another long, hard week. At least for me and that's all that matters. Seriously, the life of Lady Geisha is not ALL glitz and glam. (Well, mostly it is.) Diamonds, furs, and caviar can take a toll on one's inner fabulosity, so sometimes (just sometimes) it takes more than a whiff of a new Birkin bag to get this bling-crazy bitch out of bed. Seriously. Which is why my bevy of pool boys know that when Friday rolls around, they better wake me up with the party already started. There's nothing more enticing than an icy, spiked pitcher full of fun with my morning paper. It's gets me to open one eye after the other, take a quick dip, and then the rest of the day is GEISHA-MANIA! GEISHA-MANIA! -- all the way till Monday.
After all, with Valerie Harper getting the DWTS boot and Miley shedding clothes faster than the government can shut something else down, a geisha-nista's gotta do what a geisha-nista's gotta do. And for this quirky, middle-aged underdog with killer biceps, that spells P-A-R-T-Y!!!
Have a blast and GO GEISHA-MANIA! http://youtu.be/20h4EkWnk4g
xo
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Happy Balloons-Around-the-World Day!!!
That's right little wontons, October 2 is upon us again and you know what that means! I, for one, have scads to be thankful for this Balloons-Around-the-World Day. Why? In the finale of my music video funfest GEISHA-MANIA! (filmed at LACMA in Los Angeles), I'm wearing a sheer black tutu-type skirt that's floating atop 10 gold balloons -- and then I explode! How phenomenal. Reflecting on that day still gives me goosebumps as I remember thinking it was totally awesome to announce to passersby that I was "freezing my balls off!" Honestly, how many women ever get to say that ... and MEAN IT? As always, it was beyond cold down there. (Meaning the mid-Wilshire district. No pun intended.) There really wasn't much, if anything, between my gold spandex booty shorts, bare legs, and a wind chill factor of 40 degrees. So, how the hell did we come up with such fabulosity? Check it out.
While gathering video ideas, I found this fashion shot and thought it was the bomb. In my mind, I actually envisioned how the entire scene would play out ... I'd be walking away from the camera, balloons a-bouncing around me like little golden bubbles and suddenly POOF! I'd explode into a billion bits. Using that as our inspiration, my kickass costume designer/stylist Tomika Smalls came up with a budget-friendly plan that was sheer brilliance.
While gathering video ideas, I found this fashion shot and thought it was the bomb. In my mind, I actually envisioned how the entire scene would play out ... I'd be walking away from the camera, balloons a-bouncing around me like little golden bubbles and suddenly POOF! I'd explode into a billion bits. Using that as our inspiration, my kickass costume designer/stylist Tomika Smalls came up with a budget-friendly plan that was sheer brilliance.
Perusing available items in my wardrobe, we were at a loss for full black latex skirts and decided the tutu would do. (These things really come in handy when you find yourself a middle-aged underdog about to make a music video.) Lady Geisha, being the bling-happy bi-atch she is, needed her own twist on the look, so Tomika created a one-of-a-kind, sculpted gold jacket with my cartoon alter ego embellished with jewels on the back. Now we just needed to figure out the balloons.
How to make it work? Easy. We strategically pinned blown-up balloons (hanging from ribbons) around a thin leather braided belt that I would wear under the tutu. Obviously, that would have to be put in place after driving to the location, so we loaded up the balloon-laden belt into the trunk and headed to the set. Once there, the looks (and comments) we got from strangers in the LACMA ladies room while adjusting the balloons was priceless -- everyone loved it! I was enthralled.
Aside from the bitter chill and psycho set-crashers, Tomika, director Luciano Fontana, and DP Frank Trenado did an a-MAZING job to make the shoot effortless, fun and, well, balloon perfect. My first video is absolute proof that creativity abounds and there's absolutely NO AGE LIMIT ON HAVING FUN BITCHES!!! xoxo
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
HAPPY HUMP DAY! Literally? Well, it depends.
Hola babydolls, it's Wednesday and we know what that means -- HAPPY HOUR! (As if anyone needs a reason. Um, who hates being happy?)
Now that Fashion Week's over, Emmy dust has settled, and I've gorged on everything GLAM-tastic, it's back to the grind -- songwriting, singing, blinging. Fabulous as life may be, delicious libations during a hard week's work are the only thing between me and lounging poolside in a sushi bikini. Sanity (I'm told mine's in question) is a whole other story. Go figure.
Where's YOUR go-to watering hole to kick back, relax, and escape when 5 pm rolls around? I promise not to keep it a secret if you let me know in the comments section below. Aw c'mon, sharing is caring, spread the love, love thy neighbor, and all that good stuff. Even though I mentioned my preferred hotspots in a previous post, tonight I'm trying out a brand-new place with a brand-new man. So it's a crap shoot all around. (Suddenly I feel a song coming on. Unfortunately, to my dismay, it has a country western vibe.) Though kissing and telling ain't gonna happen, I will share the conundrum running through my head. What will I wear? What will I drink? Will it be love? Wait ... which Dave is this? (I've met THREE in one week.)
So much for being slick. No one has dating down to a science, though I can certainly provide a tip to spare some embarrassment: Until you're able to keep them all straight in your head, never utter the words, "Didn't we say we'd meet up on Tuesday?" Don't mention any other day of the week either because, inevitably, you will be speaking with one of the other two men. Just sayin'. (I even took it a step further and inadvertently mentioned multiple dates to the wrong man. Can the universe scream "STOP! NO! DON'T!" any louder?)
Which is why this l'il Geisha-nista will def need a frosty, fruity funfest to start whistlin' Dixie. Ok, maybe not. I don't whistle. And Dixie ... what in the hell is that cliche about? I'll just be happy if he makes me laugh. (Though I think drinks will help.) Forget the "Where are you from, what do you do for fun?" bullshit. We ALL know what I do for fun. (And personally I think "fun" is an understatement. Hence GEISHA-MANIA!) But back to what's really important people -- who can resist eight ounces of awesome? Exactly. So what if it's attached to tall, dark, and gift-giving? Talk about jackpots.
Enough of this folderol, the verdict arrives soon enough and I'm positive you'll all be wondering until then. Can't make it to happy hour? Nonsense -- what ARE you bitches made of? Seriously. Break out the bling, throw on some shades, spritz eau de parfum, and I'll bring it to you. Here's one of my fave recipes for frozen watermelon bliss ... brew it by the vat for 100% satisfaction!
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/watermelon-margaritas-10000001995736/
Have a unique or original cocktail recipe you think I'd enjoy ... something with a geisha twist? Again, SEE/TYPE/SEND to the comments section below -- I'll even post your pic along with the Lady Geisha Seal of Approval! (Bloody hell, you people are so damn high-maintenance.)
Oh yeah, stay tuned for the latest on all things GEISHA-MANIA! ... from new songs, eBooks, recipes, fashion and dating advice to campaigns, content, swell swag, and more. (Mark my words, little wontons, you really won't be able to contain yourselves. And neither will I.)
xoxo
Now that Fashion Week's over, Emmy dust has settled, and I've gorged on everything GLAM-tastic, it's back to the grind -- songwriting, singing, blinging. Fabulous as life may be, delicious libations during a hard week's work are the only thing between me and lounging poolside in a sushi bikini. Sanity (I'm told mine's in question) is a whole other story. Go figure.
Where's YOUR go-to watering hole to kick back, relax, and escape when 5 pm rolls around? I promise not to keep it a secret if you let me know in the comments section below. Aw c'mon, sharing is caring, spread the love, love thy neighbor, and all that good stuff. Even though I mentioned my preferred hotspots in a previous post, tonight I'm trying out a brand-new place with a brand-new man. So it's a crap shoot all around. (Suddenly I feel a song coming on. Unfortunately, to my dismay, it has a country western vibe.) Though kissing and telling ain't gonna happen, I will share the conundrum running through my head. What will I wear? What will I drink? Will it be love? Wait ... which Dave is this? (I've met THREE in one week.)
So much for being slick. No one has dating down to a science, though I can certainly provide a tip to spare some embarrassment: Until you're able to keep them all straight in your head, never utter the words, "Didn't we say we'd meet up on Tuesday?" Don't mention any other day of the week either because, inevitably, you will be speaking with one of the other two men. Just sayin'. (I even took it a step further and inadvertently mentioned multiple dates to the wrong man. Can the universe scream "STOP! NO! DON'T!" any louder?)
Which is why this l'il Geisha-nista will def need a frosty, fruity funfest to start whistlin' Dixie. Ok, maybe not. I don't whistle. And Dixie ... what in the hell is that cliche about? I'll just be happy if he makes me laugh. (Though I think drinks will help.) Forget the "Where are you from, what do you do for fun?" bullshit. We ALL know what I do for fun. (And personally I think "fun" is an understatement. Hence GEISHA-MANIA!) But back to what's really important people -- who can resist eight ounces of awesome? Exactly. So what if it's attached to tall, dark, and gift-giving? Talk about jackpots.
Enough of this folderol, the verdict arrives soon enough and I'm positive you'll all be wondering until then. Can't make it to happy hour? Nonsense -- what ARE you bitches made of? Seriously. Break out the bling, throw on some shades, spritz eau de parfum, and I'll bring it to you. Here's one of my fave recipes for frozen watermelon bliss ... brew it by the vat for 100% satisfaction!
http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/watermelon-margaritas-10000001995736/
Have a unique or original cocktail recipe you think I'd enjoy ... something with a geisha twist? Again, SEE/TYPE/SEND to the comments section below -- I'll even post your pic along with the Lady Geisha Seal of Approval! (Bloody hell, you people are so damn high-maintenance.)
Oh yeah, stay tuned for the latest on all things GEISHA-MANIA! ... from new songs, eBooks, recipes, fashion and dating advice to campaigns, content, swell swag, and more. (Mark my words, little wontons, you really won't be able to contain yourselves. And neither will I.)
Monday, September 16, 2013
Happy Monday ... now DRINK UP!
YAY, it's Monday again! And exactly why am I cheering? Hint: it's MARGARITA MONDAY all over the land! As you can see from my icy enthusiasm above, this luscious libation is a GEISHA-TASTIC way to kick off your week. How can this geisha-nista go gaga over anything that not's the real Gaga?
You seriously have to ask? Think about diving into a vat of frothy cool fun in flavors that'll kick a Skittles rainbow's ass in one sip flat. Enlightened yet? Since I'm in sunny Southern California, here's some of my fave hot spots to find a brain freeze while letting loose. (Now to make it absolutely perfect, you'd be dancing to GEISHA-MANIA! while drinking, but who am I to judge?) xoxo
1. Fridas
10853 Lindbrook Dr
Los Angeles, CA 90024 (310) 209-0666
You can't beat their $4 margaritas -- at that price order a dozen!
2. Joselitos
7308 Foothill Blvd
Tujunga, CA 91042
4500 S Centinela Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90066
Friday, August 30, 2013
TGIF ... TIME TO PAR-TAY!!!
TGIF! Kick off your holiday weekend w/ GEISHA-MANIA!™ & get this party started! xo
#tgif #laborday #holidayweekend #party #geishamania #ladygeisha #musicvideo #funnyvideo #comedy #parody #spoof
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
LOVE SUSHI? LOVE BIKINIS? THEN VOTE FOR ME!!!
Zoe Black's Best Bikini Entry on ExploreTalent.com
HELP! PLEASE VOTE FOR ME IN THE BEST BIKINI CONTEST!
GRACIAS! HUGS! MUCHO LOVE! xo
HELP! PLEASE VOTE FOR ME IN THE BEST BIKINI CONTEST!
GRACIAS! HUGS! MUCHO LOVE! xo
HELP! I NEED YOUR VOTE FOR BEST FEMALE EYES!
Zoe Black's Best Female Eyes Entry on ExploreTalent.com
PLEASE VOTE FOR ME in the Best Female Eyes Contest on ExploreTalent.com!
Gracias! Hugs! Mucho Love! xoxoxo
PLEASE VOTE FOR ME in the Best Female Eyes Contest on ExploreTalent.com!
Gracias! Hugs! Mucho Love! xoxoxo
Monday, August 26, 2013
SOOOO, WHO WORE IT BETTER?
.... Gaga, Miley or ME??! xo
See me (and the sushi bikini!) in action in GEISHA-MANIA!,
now on YouTube: http://smarturl.it/8m6bxr
And download the song on iTunes: http://smarturl.it/3xkx0q
#VMAs #mileycyrus #LadyGaga #LadyGeisha #musicmonday #musicvideo #geishamania
Monday, August 12, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
"Sakura-ko" Cherry Blossom Child | Saké One
#TGIF! Check out this recipe for "Sakura-ko" Cherry Blossom Child | Saké One and LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED ... LADY GEISHA STYLE!!!
CHEERS!
xo
CHEERS!
xo
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